or at least tell you
to turn on the lights
before you left.

I meant to ask you
where you would be
so I could phone.

I meant to hold you
to your promise
and shake you
until your eyes
rolled back in your head
and make you watch
as I smashed myself
into a thousand
particles of light
so you would remember
who it was
you were
dealing with.

I meant to go down
on my knees
and claw out my eyes
and tear off my skin,
and pour myself out
in shades of blood-red
on your cold, white sheets,

and paint there
a portrait
of me
without you
in blues deeper
than your dreams.

I meant to get your attention.

I just wanted
to remind you

to wait for me
at the door

so I could meet you
there,

and we could
walk Home

Together.